I carried a watermelon

I have cable ties keeping my basket attached to my bike.

My helmet leaves a black residue on my forehead and everyday I don’t realise its there until around lunchtime.

The bell on my bike no longer rings, but makes a pathetic clicking sound.

I tend to ride pigeon toed with my heels sticking out so that my trousers dont get caught in my chain, but sometimes they still do, and now they all have oil stains and several have small tears.

Today on my way to work,
I was overtaken by a guy wearing roller blades.

Cheer up, it might never happen

I was walking down Kintore Ave yesterday, minding my own business, and at the same spot where I was once attacked by a killer bird and where I was once screamed at about not being catholic enough, some very tall businessman in a nice suit, around 40 years of age, turned to me as he walked by and said in a really loud voice

‘cheer up, it might never happen love’

Why did he say that? I wasn’t upset or depressed or anything, I had just purchased a floral plastic table cloth to provide protection from the spiders living under our outdoor table and was thinking about eating eggs and bacon off it at our bdo breakfast bbq at the time. I don’t see how my face could have indicated that I needed cheering up.

Then I thought.. am I walking to the beat of my own drum and is this the equivalent of my very own ‘drummer face’? You know how drummers seem to lose control of their face when they drum, and they look like they are eating a grapefruit? a phenomenon similar to that of ‘lip licking pool playing face’ and ‘squinty forgot glasses reading face’

I wonder what he thought might never happen?